Working Moms Rule

It’s International Women’s Day and I have so much to say…

I have been attending events all week leading up to the celebration of this day. Courses on personal branding, websites, thriving in entrepreneurship, leadership, all geared toward working women. I have surrounded myself with these women, many of whom struggle with issues of self-worth, confidence, guilt, confusion and horrible negative self-talk. We run the world you know. Women are powerful, emotional, strong, tenacious, humble, empathetic, and obviously, amazing. It wasn’t so long ago that women weren’t allowed to vote; I still cannot wrap my head around that.

Working moms are a whole other category of amazing. We grow little humans, our bodies stretching and contorting and never looking quite the same afterwards; our hearts bursting at first sight of our miracles. We don’t sleep for weeks, sometimes years, because we are caring for our babies and every squeak or whimper has us wide awake straining to hear that everything is okay. We walk around like zombies just hoping that our babies are happy and healthy, hating the way our bodies look and feeling pathetic when we have to write “Shower” on our to-do list; then noticing that we somehow put on two different shoes. Our backs ache and our arms are on fire because we lift and carry and bend and reach all for them.

We take them to the doctor; enroll them for childcare and then magically- kindergarten. We hold them down and try not to cry when they get their immunizations because we feel everything they feel. We are not our own bodies anymore. We try not to cry again when we drop our child at daycare or walk through the school doors for the first time. We are both proud and terrified.

At this point, it’s off to work quickly forgetting our tears. Sometimes we are working simply to break even to pay the daycare bill. But, it’s also to keep our professional skills current – heaven forbid there is an employment gap on our resume in the already competitive corporate world. If we are working from home, we are scrambling to get all the laundry and shopping done in a short window of time before scooping up our children again. We are out of toilet paper, shampoo, and running low on diapers. Maybe we can get an email out. Perhaps we can sign up to volunteer at school. It’s essential to save some time to drop food off at a friend’s home who is going through a health crisis and needs the other women in her life to lift her up. Maybe we will pick up some used clothing from another mom because the kids are growing so quickly it’s hard to keep up. All of the kid’s pants are too short; the house is a disaster; the dog needs walking and there’s a sippy cup of curdled milk behind the couch.

Trying to shrug off that we are late for school pick up yet again and hoping the other moms aren’t judging us, we run the kids to activities because we want them to know they have opportunities. We don’t ever want them to think they can’t be and do everything. Anything is possible. We multitask because we can and do. We don’t think about any of this. We just do. We want what’s best for the family. Family is first. We can have our career too. We can fit it all in. We can do this. We will not crumble even though some days we can barely get out of bed.

The kids get older and they need us, but in a different way. We spend our time between all of the other swirling thoughts, business meetings, and conference calls, wishing and hoping and praying that our kids are making the right choices while we try simultaneously to move ahead in our careers. That they choose the right friend’s groups, the right foods, the right activities, that they don’t drink and drive, that they don’t do drugs, that they don’t do anything stupid. The kids roll their eyes and don’t want to hug us anymore, but they try to be respectful even when their hormones are pretty much running their minds and bodies. Ultimately the one time they suddenly want to have a conversation, you are right in the middle of a giant proposal for a new contract; you feel incredibly guilty because you are only half-listening and are barely present to what they are saying.

Inevitably, random thoughts keep swirling. Who am I? Who have I become? What will I be? And the more mundane, will I have time to cook a healthy dinner tonight? Where is my next meeting? Who is carpooling? Am I forgetting something? When is that school permission slip due? What am I doing? And this is all in a “normal” day!

There’re all the other curveballs that come your way. The toilet is plugged. The car maintenance light is on. You grab the wrong file for work. You double book your meetings. You find a lump on your breast and your first thought is utter annoyance because you have to take yourself to the doctor now. You step in some cat puke and now you worry about the cat. Your kid can’t find her retainer. You can’t find your glasses. Where are the keys? You get a past due notice from a bill you thought you had set up on auto-pay. The insurance bill increases 40%. Your kids need a costume by tomorrow because you’re behind in your emails and maybe they told you when you were half-listening. The wi-fi goes down and you ask your husband for help with it and then you feel like an ass because well, you don’t really like to ask for help even when you need it.

It’s so crazy isn’t it? I’m actually laughing as I type this! This week I made time for myself. I attended classes leading up to this day, International Women’s Day, and you know what? I realized, even more than ever this week, that I am not alone. You are not alone. You, listen up, are surrounded by other strong, wonderful, working women who want to do it all while raising a family. You are worthy. We do put ourselves last. But you know what? We women raise each other up. We encourage. We understand each other. We listen to each other. We need each other. Breathe.

In the background, we hear the news stories of rape and sexual abuse, of the glass ceiling, of inequalities. Only 20% of women are in the tech industry, 5% are Fortune 500 CEOs, 10% hold board seats. Additionally, we still only earn 80 cents for every dollar a man makes. When we simply run out of energy to get off the couch, we watch popular movies about the “old days,” when women weren’t allowed to vote. But you know what? We keep going. We keep doing. We survive, we thrive, we move forward, use our voices and we love. We feel it all. We need to take a minute to care for ourselves, to work on our careers, to figure out who we are, to tell ourselves “good job” and to live our best lives. We are everything. We rule the world. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.